anxiety, real life, Self improvement

Falling off the bandwagon in more ways than one

First, my presence on social media. My favorite social site is Instagram by far, I have two accounts (@racheltheharvey and @rachelswatches 😉) and I really do like uploading pictures with what I’m doing or what I think, and even plan posts in advance. But I haven’t been doing as much of that lately. Partly because my phone is at memory capacity, partly because I’ve been so busy lately. That’s why I haven’t been blogging as much in the past month or so, too. 

I just started my senior year of college and I seriously just wish I was already graduated. 

My summer ended nicely, I got fairly positive feedback from my internship and even interviewed for a real life, adult job before school started. 

My morale took a big hit though because of a decision made by my boss and the staff at my college job; they decided to demote me. No one can deny that I had a rough semester last spring, but this is a job I’m seriously passionate about and which I put maximum effort into as I struggled through grief, depression, and anxiety, things that are still affecting me today. I lost friends because all my effort was going into my job and my schoolwork, and I felt unappreciated and unnoticed by my superiors. I guess this proves me right, but I don’t want to go on too long and sound defensive or rude, but this has really caused me a lot of stress, anger, and most of all sadness. The only thing I can do now though is prove them wrong and earn a re-promotion. 

Sometimes I just feel like nothing is worth the effort though. I feel like I’ve lost the drive and motivation that has helped me excel academically and professionally in the past. 

In case you’re wondering, I have made an appointment with a counselor to talk about the anxiety and panic attacks I experienced this summer as well as my feelings and problems now. 

Another cause of stress and insecurity has been my recent weight gain, in the last year and a half or so I’ve gain upwards of 60 pounds I don’t need. I am a big comfort eater and not a big vegetable fan, a dangerous combination. So today was my first workout day. I started small, but I started and that can be the hardest part, so I’m hopeful. 

I’m also working on saving money. As well as being an emotional eater, I go in and out of retail therapy, especially since I’ve started loving and honestly collecting makeup. But I’ve cut back and I’m working to keep saving more than I’m spending. 

So, if you’ve made it this far, thank you  as you can see, I’ve got a lot of self improvement to do, but I’m determined to become a healthier me in every aspect. 

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real life

Something that makes me happy

Exploring with my best friend for my birthday weekend last week:

A sleeping Red Panda at the Indianapolis Zoo. 


Sushi at Mikado not far from the Circle in downtown Indy. We were the only ones there! It wasn’t our favorite sushi, but good and good quality. 


We went to Funky Bones, which I’d never seen before, but was awesome!

We also went to an ice cream place called Lick, which was a strange experience to say the least. First, we got to the address and didn’t see anything but warehouse-like buildings. So, we called the listed number and they told us there was a sign out front, we had to drive around the block again but finally saw the tiny sign poking out in front of a little art shop. We walked into the art store and asked the person working who directed us down a hallway. It had a really school-in-the-summer type vibe, in that it was totally deserted with linoleum flooring, cream walls, and tube lights. At the end of a hallway and around a corner, we finally found it. Just one small room with a kitchen visible in the back. The decor was cool, a counter with vintage ice cream scoops stood in one corner and the wall had posters depicting the same. In the other corner was a small cart with four or five flavors of ice cream in it. The only person working was one of the two sisters who share the business. No one else was in sight. Just as we were thinking, this is odd, the lights flickered and the lady working went, “oh, hmm.” And then she murdered us. 

But not really, obviously, she was just a chill lady who was passionate about ice cream. We got a sweet corn cookie sandwich with salted caramel ice cream. And it was actually really good! 

That was a long tangent on ice cream; it was certainly a memorable experience. 


It was a really good day. 

recipes

Cheese & Spinach Stuffed, Bacon Wrapped, Baked Chicken

Ingredients:

  • ~2 lb. thin cut chicken
  • 1/2 lb. bacon
  • Fresh mozzarella
  • Spinach
  • Salt, Pepper, Italian Seasoning

Directions:

  1. Preheat oven to 375ºF and line baking sheet with tin foil
  2. Take a piece of chicken and sprinkle with and rub seasonings into it. Place some spinach and a slice of cheese on one end and roll the chicken up around it.
  3. Wrap a strip of bacon around the rolled chicken, going the opposite direction.
  4. (Optional) Sit another slice of cheese on top the wrapped chicken and sprinkle with seasoning. Cut a strip of bacon in half and lay both over the top perpendicular to one another. My pieces had trouble staying together with this on top, but it was still really good 🙂
  5. Bake 25-30 minutes. Broil for 2-3 minutes.

I prepped this, wrapping each piece in parchment paper before placing them in a container and freezing them. Then I thawed them for a day before baking!

beauty, thoughts

A Zen Moment brought to you by Tree Hut

Hey, guys, I can’t sleep. It’s because I fell asleep at 7 pm, but still. So since I’m up anyways, I thought I’d do a quick post while I’m relaxing before I’m actually supposed to be awake.

So to help me with that, I’m doing a charcoal mud mask from Tree Hut. It was sent to me by Influenster free for testing! (If you’re interested in trying Influenster, here’s my referral link!)

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The directions say, “apply a thin layer on clean skin and cover face completely.” I like using the e.l.f. mask spatula pictured to apply this, it makes it nice and even and doesn’t get stuff all over your hands. Next, all we gotta do is wait for it to dry, it takes about 10-15 minutes to start cracking. Then, we’ll remove it with warm water.

I really like how this mask feels! It’s very cooling and tightening without being too much. It also smells like sunscreen, but in a good way!

While I’m taking time to relax, I’m thinking about my old standby mantra. Whenever I get overwhelmed I often repeat to myself, “Everything’s gonna be okay.” I’ve done it for a long time, but lately it doesn’t really help. Not that I don’t believe it, I know that everything will be okay, that I’ll be okay. It’s just that lately it hasn’t been what I need to remember. What I really need during those times, is just to breathe. So, what I’m going to try to do now is tell myself to just breathe followed by a big breath in, holding it in for a hot minute before slowly letting it out.

Now, I’m gonna wash off this mask and start my day!

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Uncategorized

How to tell if they’re the one

I always hated it when you ask someone how you know the person you’re with is the One, and they say “You just do,” but to be honest they’re right.

If you read my Relationship Status essay, you know a little about my boyfriend, Rich, and my story, and how with him, it just felt real. But here’s my list of questions to ask yourself if you’re wondering if your partner is the One:

  • Most importantly, do you feel 100% comfortable being yourself around them?
    • Do they get your humor and your struggles, can you tell them all your secrets? Basically do they get the real you?
  • Can you stand silence when you’re around them? Just hanging out, each doing your own thing?
  • But when you are talking, do you feel like you never want to stop?
    • I mentioned this before in my essay, but for the times we hung out before we were dating up to now, when Rich and I have gone out to eat, we always wound up staying at our table long after our food is finished, just talking and joking.
  • Do they make you feel completely confident and important?
    • The guy I dated in high school made me feel confident in some ways but not in all ways the way Rich does. A couple smallish incidents stand out in my mind where he did not make me feel my best: he told me I didn’t look very good in brown since I have brown hair, he also said my head didn’t look right with my hair in a bun or braid (like the only two ways I ever want to wear it btw).
  • Do they make time for you?
    • Even if they’re busy or would rather stay home are they more than willing to come over if you need or even just want them?
  • Have things that are important to them become important to you and vice versa?
    • For example, I’ve always been into video games to some extent, but since they’re a big part of Rich’s life (he used to compete and has made many lifelong friends through online gaming), I’ve played more, often with him, and talk to him about them frequently. And it doesn’t just go one way, I very much enjoy makeup! He has the layout of our local Ulta pretty much completely memorized, recognizes YouTube beauty gurus that I watch, and remembers the products I mention that I like or am interested in.
  • The bottom line for me is, when you imagine yourself years from now, deciding what to eat for dinner or what to watch on TV or what color cabinets, are they the person you imagine discussing (or maybe even arguing) with  these things? And not some imaginary dream prince who has a vast fortune and rides around on a white horse, we’ve all had those fantasies, but really, really realistically, do you see yourself with them in the far off future?

These are just a few of the reasons I know he’s the one for me, honestly I could name a billion, what are some important factors to knowing they’re the one?