Uncategorized

How to tell if they’re the one

I always hated it when you ask someone how you know the person you’re with is the One, and they say “You just do,” but to be honest they’re right.

If you read my Relationship Status essay, you know a little about my boyfriend, Rich, and my story, and how with him, it just felt real. But here’s my list of questions to ask yourself if you’re wondering if your partner is the One:

  • Most importantly, do you feel 100% comfortable being yourself around them?
    • Do they get your humor and your struggles, can you tell them all your secrets? Basically do they get the real you?
  • Can you stand silence when you’re around them? Just hanging out, each doing your own thing?
  • But when you are talking, do you feel like you never want to stop?
    • I mentioned this before in my essay, but for the times we hung out before we were dating up to now, when Rich and I have gone out to eat, we always wound up staying at our table long after our food is finished, just talking and joking.
  • Do they make you feel completely confident and important?
    • The guy I dated in high school made me feel confident in some ways but not in all ways the way Rich does. A couple smallish incidents stand out in my mind where he did not make me feel my best: he told me I didn’t look very good in brown since I have brown hair, he also said my head didn’t look right with my hair in a bun or braid (like the only two ways I ever want to wear it btw).
  • Do they make time for you?
    • Even if they’re busy or would rather stay home are they more than willing to come over if you need or even just want them?
  • Have things that are important to them become important to you and vice versa?
    • For example, I’ve always been into video games to some extent, but since they’re a big part of Rich’s life (he used to compete and has made many lifelong friends through online gaming), I’ve played more, often with him, and talk to him about them frequently. And it doesn’t just go one way, I very much enjoy makeup! He has the layout of our local Ulta pretty much completely memorized, recognizes YouTube beauty gurus that I watch, and remembers the products I mention that I like or am interested in.
  • The bottom line for me is, when you imagine yourself years from now, deciding what to eat for dinner or what to watch on TV or what color cabinets, are they the person you imagine discussing (or maybe even arguing) with  these things? And not some imaginary dream prince who has a vast fortune and rides around on a white horse, we’ve all had those fantasies, but really, really realistically, do you see yourself with them in the far off future?

These are just a few of the reasons I know he’s the one for me, honestly I could name a billion, what are some important factors to knowing they’re the one?

 

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anxiety, therapy, Uncategorized

Rollercoasters are fun unless they’re emotional

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( Picture: https://pixabay.com/en/santamonicapier-santamonica-sunset-1768005/ )

These past two weeks have been full of ups and downs for me. Rich and I signed a lease on an apartment! Work has been difficult with big deadlines coming up. The weather is turning towards the better! I’ve had two tests, homework assignments, and projects. Just everything moving, moving, moving so fast; I feel dizzy.

I had another meeting with my counselor, Billy today, and I think it went really well, that it’s really helping me.

Among other things, Billy reminded me to take time for myself, something I’ve been missing out on lately because of deadlines and tests and everything.

So tonight, I took like five hours and tried something new, this paper marbling technique I found on Pinterest. It was fun and I really like how my pieces turned out! I put them on my Etsy shop, Hermit Hobby Shop, if you’d like to check them out!

Deadlines are looming, though, for school and work; projects, projects, projects. Easter is this weekend, and it will be my family’s first without my grandfather. Easter was the holiday he was most involved in, and my family has many fun and different traditions that go with it (e.g. we have a basketball shootout with a cash prize).

I’ve been reminding myself of positive things; that every low part of the ride comes in between the peaks in this rollercoaster I’ve been on lately.

I’ve been feeling on top of things at work; my team and I made a list of all the things that needed done and signed our names to the ones we’d each do. I’ve already finished mine and agreed to take on another that my coworker was unsure of! I’ve still got a while on the school project that’s due and plan to start earlier than I did on the last one (which led me to a bit of a breakdown after I put it off for too long). As for the holiday, I know that my family will be together and carry on my grandfather’s traditions; it’ll be hard, but at least we’ll be together.

Even with the ups and downs of the last couple weeks, I’m feeling more myself again though, like this rollercoaster ride is almost over.

Uncategorized

I suck at introductions…

I mean, I seriously suck at introductions…

I hate the sound of a cafeteria. Those muddled sounds of conversation, laughter, utensils, etc. make me feel the way the buzzing of a giant horde of bugs probably makes other, more normal people feel. It makes me feel like the new kid in school, walking into the lunchroom for the first time before meeting anyone, tightly gripping her tray in both hands and looking for a place to sit. You may be reading this and shrugging, thinking something like, I would just with any group and say ‘hi,’ no big whoop, and for that I hate you. It’s not as if I don’t know that’s possible and not even that big of a deal, but just thinking about it makes me break out in a cold sweat and feel that shaky, gotta-pee, nervous feeling. When I talk to someone new it goes one of two ways:

The first way, I babble on and on and make no sense whatsoever, making me feel embarrassed and as though I’ve annoyed the other person. When it’s finally, blessedly over, I find myself relieved that in most cases, I can just avoid that person for the rest of my life. In the rare cases where I can’t, it haunts me for every interaction I have with that person. I’ll end up only talking to them about whatever is causing us to have to interact, like a class project or something. I know I’ll be fine and I’ll get over it, but every once in awhile, I’ll be talking to them and randomly remember our first interactions and wonder if they think about it and assume they do and start rambling and babbling again; it’s an endless cycle.

The other way, I talk to them like a total normie and relate on multiple levels and have a great conversation. Afterwards, I’ll be so proud of the great first impression I made. But then I think about how that was a total fluke and what if next time I don’t live up to that first impression? And then next time we talk, I think about it again and how I want them to like me and how I want this conversation to go as well as the last. And then I start rambling.

OR bonus third option, I make a great first impression, realize it was a fluke, and never speak to them again.

So, yeah, hi, I’m Rachel.