I’m okay now. I think.
I was at work, in a meeting we have everyday. I started getting really hot and buzzing with a nervous energy. I felt like I couldn’t breathe and like I was falling. The whole world just felt sideways.
It was so sudden and so unexpected, and not triggered by anything.
And I did it all silently because disrupting the meeting and embarrassing myself felt like it would only make it worse. So I just tried to wait it out and I left early. My boss was totally cool about it and is letting me work from home tomorrow.
So, I came home and Rich made me lie down and take my temperature, and I have a low grade fever. I don’t know if one was a product of the other, but it is what it is. I took a long nap but still feel exhausted.
I have similar experiences to this more often than I’d realized now that I’m thinking about it. I just feel so trapped for no reason. Times in class or work or even relaxing at home when I just get a flood of overwhelming feeling, and I push it deep down to keep hysteria at bay.
It occurs to me this isn’t normal.