anxiety, real life, Self improvement

Falling off the bandwagon in more ways than one

First, my presence on social media. My favorite social site is Instagram by far, I have two accounts (@racheltheharvey and @rachelswatches 😉) and I really do like uploading pictures with what I’m doing or what I think, and even plan posts in advance. But I haven’t been doing as much of that lately. Partly because my phone is at memory capacity, partly because I’ve been so busy lately. That’s why I haven’t been blogging as much in the past month or so, too. 

I just started my senior year of college and I seriously just wish I was already graduated. 

My summer ended nicely, I got fairly positive feedback from my internship and even interviewed for a real life, adult job before school started. 

My morale took a big hit though because of a decision made by my boss and the staff at my college job; they decided to demote me. No one can deny that I had a rough semester last spring, but this is a job I’m seriously passionate about and which I put maximum effort into as I struggled through grief, depression, and anxiety, things that are still affecting me today. I lost friends because all my effort was going into my job and my schoolwork, and I felt unappreciated and unnoticed by my superiors. I guess this proves me right, but I don’t want to go on too long and sound defensive or rude, but this has really caused me a lot of stress, anger, and most of all sadness. The only thing I can do now though is prove them wrong and earn a re-promotion. 

Sometimes I just feel like nothing is worth the effort though. I feel like I’ve lost the drive and motivation that has helped me excel academically and professionally in the past. 

In case you’re wondering, I have made an appointment with a counselor to talk about the anxiety and panic attacks I experienced this summer as well as my feelings and problems now. 

Another cause of stress and insecurity has been my recent weight gain, in the last year and a half or so I’ve gain upwards of 60 pounds I don’t need. I am a big comfort eater and not a big vegetable fan, a dangerous combination. So today was my first workout day. I started small, but I started and that can be the hardest part, so I’m hopeful. 

I’m also working on saving money. As well as being an emotional eater, I go in and out of retail therapy, especially since I’ve started loving and honestly collecting makeup. But I’ve cut back and I’m working to keep saving more than I’m spending. 

So, if you’ve made it this far, thank you  as you can see, I’ve got a lot of self improvement to do, but I’m determined to become a healthier me in every aspect.